Jake’s arms flew up to protect his face, but I got between them and shoved Hammond as hard as I could with both hands.

He touched the blood on his lip with his fingertips and flicked it away just as Hammond Ross grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled his monster-size fist back again.

There was a grass stain on his cargo shorts from where he’d fallen on the edge of the lawn in front of Connor Shale’s house, and some gravel embedded in the skin of his calf. 'Chloe’s pregnant?' Jake blurted, pushing himself up off the ground. Jally or Ake or Gryan or whatever stupid name the sophomores come up with for them … they won’t last a week. Since when did you start speaking Thesaurus? You have no precedent on which to base your hypothesis. Yeah, but he’s never had a serious girlfriend before. It’s Jake Graydon! He puts the play in player. I bet he cheats on her before homeroom tomorrow. Especially when you finally see Ally and she's hanging around with some loser and it's couldn't be more clear that she is over you.So Jake Graydon and Ally Ryan are officially together? Bummer. Maybe it's time to start flirting with your best friend's ex or even taking school a bit more seriously. People will hardly recognize your new attitude, but the old one wasn't getting you anywhere, so who cares! Jake Graydon, an exciting opportunity is waiting for you in the service industry! Are your grades so low your parents have grounded you for the summer? Did you the girl you really like unceremoniously leave you behind? Would you rather eat dirt than see your friends again? Then a job at the local coffee shop is just the ticket! Suprisingly, Ally's father is the new manager so you get to be reminded of her nearly every day. Even so, you're still angry and what better way to get over Jake than to blow off some steam with local guy, Cooper. Your mother may be living with her boyfriend of only a few months, but at least the stunt Shannen pulled has put some of your friends back in your court.

Ally Ryan, come on down to the Jersey Shore and forget your troubles! Have you recently been humilated in front of your friends and family at your former best friends birthday party? Was your almost boyfriend partly responsible for that humilation by withholding some vital information about where your estrangerd father is? Did you come home to find said estranged father sitting on your stoop? If so, then it sounds like you could use a vacation! The Jersey Shore is the place to be.

He's So Not Worth It by Kieran Scott